Slaps and slamming doors
by PencilChewer
Summary: James slams the door in Lily's face, walking out on her after she slapped him. But why? And why did he leave? And why did he come back after two weeks? Jily/Limes one-shot. R&R please.


**A/N: this was originally a songfic but it didn't turn out the way I reckoned it would. The song is by Imagine Dragons called Cha-Ching (Till we grow older). Review please?**

**I don't own the song, nor HP.**

* * *

_You've got to live your life,  
While your blood is boiling.  
These doors won't open,  
While you stand and watch them._

Lily shivered and wrapped the blanket around her tightly, hoping it would defend her against the chilly winter air. She sighed and turned so she was on her side, facing the closed door of their small bedroom.

She hardly slept these days, her mind running and her eyes never closing. She knew it was futile to try, crawling into bed and curling herself into a ball under the covers to give her some sort of warmth she was slowly losing without him. Instead of shutting her eyes and willing herself to drift off to sleep, she kept waiting. Hoping he would walk through that door, or at least one of the four they had in the little house they shared - well _used to_ share.

But it was always the same result; her not getting any sleep at all, and him not walking through those doors and peering at her with those hazel eyes behind rectangular glasses she yearned to see the most. And it would go on for ages, days, and now suddenly weeks.

He used to whisper in her ear at night, all the things that made her want to continue and not give up. He used to tell her it would all be fine, that they'd get through everything and it'd be over, and they'd grow old, to the age when the grey hairs on the top of their heads would begin to fall off.

Now, all she does is watch the closed doors in their house, waiting for them to open. She never leaves them open, because she hopes from the day he left with a slam of the door, he'd come back to open them and whisper again in her ear, telling her the things she wants - _needs_ - to hear to continue.

Lily lays a hand on her stomach and looks down at it from under the blankets. It's been slowly swelling, but not enough to make it appear from under shirts. She's only been pregnant for a few weeks, but she's starting to wonder if she should have it if there's no father.

They have talked about having a child, James having refused several times because of rhetorical reasons, of the war, the youth. But with her persistence and convincing, he gave in. Now, she was pregnant and he had left her. For two weeks.

Lily glared down at the sheets, her fists in balls and her eyes swimming with unleashed tears as she recalled how he left her in this mess she was engulfing in.

* * *

_James twirled a strand of Lily's hair around his finger, curling it before letting it fall limply back onto her head, mixing in with her red locks. He smiled down at her from where her head was placed in his lap, her feet propped on the other arm of the couch and her hand massaging her stomach._

_"Lily?" James coughed, suddenly feeling anxious, heart beating erratically in his chest._

_She looked up at him and smiled. "Hm?"_

_"We - and I mean the Order of the Phoenix - have a lead on where we think the Death Eaters might be hiding. We've been tracing Dolohov and Rosier for a few days now and we think we know where they are," he told her, looking into the fire and watching it's embers glimmer and crackle._

_"And...?"_

_James looked down at her and watched her gleeful expression morph into an apprehensive one, her eyes narrowed and her lips in a tight line. "Well, the Order is sending all the Aurors to the place -"_

_"And you're thinking of going?" Lily snapped, sitting up from her laid position and scowling at him._

_"Well, yes! I am an Auror and I am part of the Order!" James replied defensively, trying to make her see sense and calm her down to cool the heat that was rising in her cheeks in fury._

_"And so am I!" she said, her hands on her hips and her legs tucked under her, making her seem not as frightening as she was sought out to be because of her height and small frame._

_"Lily, to be frank," James mumbled to her, turning on his side so that he was facing her. He pointed to her stomach and said, "You're pregnant."_

_"So what? That doesn't mean I'm incapable of fighting! If you go, I'm going too." She crossed her arms over her chest and sat back down, her legs crossed tightly and making sure she sat at the other end of the couch, as far from him as she could without getting off._

_James sighed and stood up. He walked over to her, kneeling down so that he was sitting on his knees with his chin on her right leg as he gazed up at her._

_"Lily-Love," he mumbled, reaching for her hands but she flinched away, shifting her position so her legs were tucked under her and her arms were still firmly crossed on her chest. She stared straight into the fire, willing him to go away, but stay at the same time._

_"Lily, listen to me," James whispered, peeling her arms away from each other. He sat beside her, pulling her carefully on his lap. He took her hands and started to play with her fingers, looking down at them as he said, "I can't let you go."_

_"Why not? You're going and I'm more capable of fighting than you are. You're still recovering from that curse you took to the head a week ago," Lily stated, turning her face to look at him, watching as he tended to avoid her eyes._

_"Lily, you just can't. I'm going on this mission, you're going to stay here, and I'll be back as soon as I can," James told her firmly, tangling her fingers with his._

_"Oh? And have you thought about us?" Lily pulled her hands away and motioned to her stomach, raising her eyebrows at him._

_James ran a hand through his hair, closing his eyes for a brief moment before opening them, his eyes flashing with a new determined demeanor. "I have, don't tell me I haven't. But you don't understand how important this mission is! We could end this! I'm doing this for you - for us!"_

_"There are plenty of other people out there that can do it too, you know," she mumbled, pushing herself off of him and walking into the kitchen to make tea in an attempt to busy herself and calm down._

_"So you want me to sit here and watch while my friends are looking for Death Eaters that could kill them?" James asked incredulously, standing up and walking towards her, his hands gesturing mildly._

_"And you want me to sit here while you fight and possibly die?" Lily retorted, the kettle filled with water in her hand shaking as she tried to remain calm. She turned her back on him and set the kettle on the stove, turning it on with shaking hands. Everything always seemed cold when they fought. Now she was shivering under her winter clothes._

_"I'm not going to die!"_

_"How do you know?! You can't promise that!" Lily shouted, turning around from the cupboard with a cup, her hand gripping it tightly. So tightly, it shattered in her hand and diced into her skin, piercing it and slowly gushing blood out of the torn palm of her hand. Her eyes were tearful, from pain whether physically or emotionally._

_James gazed at her, his face slowly softening at the look in her eye and the thick red liquid in her hand that dripped down on to the floor, joining the shards of china and coloring the white marbled tiles._

_"When are you leaving?" Lily asked, shaking her hand to rid it from the debris that still clung to her skin. She walked over to the sink, rinsing her hand underneath the water, transparent slowly turning velvet in the tub._

_"In a few hours, at ten thirty," James responded, walking over to her and reaching for the cupboard above her head. He reached for the bandages to cover Lily's bleeding hand in them, his fingers brushing the fabric before getting a hold on it._

_Lily stopped the water, pressing her uninjured hand on the faucet forcibly and turning sideways on her heel to face him, her eyes narrowing and her face rivaling the color of her hair. "When?" she asked for confirmation, thinking her ears deceived her._

_"In another three hours." James shrugged, taking her left hand and beginning to wrap the thick cotton around the palm of it._

_Lily pulled her wet hand from her side and reached over the side of his face, giving him a sizzling slap across the cheek._

_James flinched back, his eyes stinging in pain and his hands retreating from their delicate position on Lily's hand. His head was turned to the side Lily's slap made him turn, a pinkish color appearing on it._

_"When was it announced that you were going? When did you agree?" she asked, her voice high and shrieking as tears ran down her cheeks, leaving glistening trails behind._

_"Last week," he replied meekly, looking at her with a hardened expression despite his stinging cheek._

_"And now you tell me?"_

_"You should be glad I did!" James snapped, "Sirius suggested I leave you a note once you fall asleep."_

_"Sirius is a horrible person."_

_"Sirius is my brother!" James shouted, making Lily glare at him and edge towards him slowly in a menacing way, though it hardly did anything to him, only making his expression more curt._

_"A brother who makes you abandon your wife and child with nothing but a goodbye note?" she asked calmly, jabbing her index finger in his hard chest while sizing him up._

_"At least he doesn't want me to sit around and watch my friends being killed," he replied, his tone blunt but harsh._

_"Then go to him! Go! If he allows you to do what you want and galavant through the war you so willingly want to fight in, go! Maybe he'd be a better wife than me!" Lily snapped, her face blotched in tears as she pointed at the doorway of the kitchen, gesturing towards the front door._

_"Yeah, I think I will." James nodded and stomped out of the kitchen, walking out of the doorway and making sure to duck because of the lack of height for the ceiling. He unhooked his coat from the hanger and grabbed his hand from the side table by the couch where he set it down before, putting his shoes on hurriedly._

_Lily watched him, her hand bleeding into the loosely wrapped bandage and her tears dripping down from her chin and onto her shirt._

_"James, James wait," Lily pleaded, hurrying after him but it was too late. With the forcible shut off the door in her face, James was outside and into the chilly winter air, leaving his family - his life - behind._

_"James!" Lily screamed, opening the door and looking around their small front lawn for a sign of messy raven hair but to no avail. The streets were empty, not a trace of a living thing on the road or sidewalk of Godric's Hallow. The wind was gushing loudly in her ears, drowning her pointless calls for her husband and her vision blurred from her leaking eyes._

_She closed the door, entering the now slightly vacant house and sliding her back on the door, dropping to the floor, her head in her arms and her shoulders hunching with every shuddering sob she took._

* * *

She never saw him that angry. Sure, they had their small banters before, the bickering, the shouts, but this time was worse. And it pained her to think it might be the last time she would ever talk to him again, a slap across the cheek and then a slamming door.

She never felt more awful than this.

Now, she's alone, a baby on the way, and a possible chance it might never see it's father.

Lily sighed and buried her head in her hands, wiping away the tears and sitting up. She needed to be strong, if not for her, for her baby. It pained her to think that if James died while searching for the Death Eaters HQ, it would be her fault. She was the one who shouted at him not to go, then slapped him and told him to go and leave her. Now, with the echoing sound of the door being shut, she was the one who felt guilty and she had to pay for it.

Lily stood up, the little warmth the numerous blankets covering the bed gave her, being replaced by a sudden blanket of icy wind. She crossed over to the window that hung beside her bed, her nightgown gliding behind her gracefully. Her bare feet cold on the wooden floorboards, making her shiver and reach up to close the window in a fast movement to block out the December air.

Lily spun around on her heel once she heard a creak down stairs. It was probably nothing, she passed by. She walked to the bathroom to wash her face and rid it from the tear tracks staining her cheeks, only to be stopped by another squeak, but closer to her this time.

Her eyes widened and she turned around to look at the door that was across from her, the bed separating her from it. She crossed over to the side table and reached for her wand, her eyes never leaving the door.

Another creak, but one louder and much longer this time. Lily edged closer to the door, cautiously as to not make the aged floorboards under her feet creak under her weight. Walking around the bed with her wand held out in front of her, daring not to make a sound, she narrowed her eyes and watched as the door slowly opened, it's hinges screeching painfully on it's rust, a tall figure only appearing in the small peak the door allowed to show her. She stood still, her knuckles turning white at the firm grip she held her wand by.

The door opened more fully, faster this time and more forcibly as the intruder walked through, disheveled looking with worn, swollen hazel eyes.

"James...?" Lily whispered to him, walking towards the door slowly, her wand still held aloft as the man entered, shuffling his feet on the floor.

"Lily," he mumbled back, rushing towards her and wrapping his arms around her waist, pulling her towards him and burying his face in her shoulder.

Lily sighed in relief and content as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down to her. "James, I'm so sorry -"

"Don't apologize," he murmured, planting kisses on her shoulder and neck, squeezing her and hoping - _praying_ - he would never leave her again, especially in the way he did before. "I'm sorry, so sorry. I shouldn't have left and I should have told you earlier. I'm so thick, Lils. I'm sorry."

Lily shook her head and pulled away, running her hands through his hair. "Don't be. I know we shouldn't have fought, and it's partially my fault but it's also yours so let's not apologize to each other, yeah?"

James nodded, looking down at her as she gazed up at him. He looked tired, physically and mentally. His eyes were red to the brim and dark circles underlined them, his hair was more messier than usual, sticking up at ends it hadn't stuck up before, his robes were hanging loose around him, and his shoulders were hunched down in depression.

"James? What happened? After you left?" Lily asked as she brought him to sit down on the bed. She laid her wand back down on the side table and took his hand. She covered his cheek with her free one, watching as James closed his eyes and put the weight of his head on her hand.

"I disparrated to Sirius' apartment and we left together to the Order," he said in a sigh.

"Did you find out where they were?"

"No," he denied, shaking his head and heaving a breath. "It was a trap and we got ambushed. Someone told them we were tailing them and we were on our way, so the Death Eaters out numbered us and things went dreadful from there."

"Did anyone die?"

James nodded, a painful clench surging through his heart, the same happening to Lily as she squeezed his hand. "Fabian and Gideon, Fenwick, Bones."

"Anybody else?" Lily asked through a strangled choke as she watched James shrug and lay down next to her.

"I don't know, I left before the rest were announced."

Lily nodded and curled beside him, laying her head on his chest and encircling her arms around his waist as he did the same.

"I shouldn't have slapped you," she murmured into his shirt that smelled of ruble and a stench that made her gag but not enough to pull back.

"I shouldn't have left," he admitted, laying his chin on the top of her head and gazing up at the ceiling.

"You don't have to anymore," she pleaded hopefully, closing her eyes with her fingers running along the side of his body.

"I'm not going to."


End file.
